Okay, I admit it. I went to BYU once before, but I never felt a major school pride kind of thing. I went there in my youth, I almost paid attention to my classes. I paid attention to boys very well, thank you very much. I'm back at school again and this time around it's different. Because I'm a more serious student? Because I'm older and more grateful for the opportunity? I don't know for sure. I still pay attention to boys (well one handsome bald one anyway) but there is definitely a difference when the tuition all comes out of you own pocket and when school is something you are choosing to do despite personal sacrifice of time and energy. I guess I just mean to say that it's different when it's something you really want.
Gary and I went out to eat last week (Gary says it was to congratulate me on finisihing the school year, I think it might actually have been to welcome me back to land of the living. I think he's hoping I'll clean something now. Starting with our closet. Correction, my part of the closet.) Anyway, we went out to eat on the evening of graduation, and the restaurant was crowded with BYU grads and their proud parents. The graduates were so young by the way, but that's a story for another day. Anyway, as we sat and ate it started to get dark outside. As it did they lit the 'Y' on the mountain and we had a perfect view from our table. Can't explain it. Never really felt it before, but I was suddenly quite struck by how proud I am to be a BYU student. Am I late coming to this party? The Beach Boys sang about being true to your school quite some time ago, so I think I must be.
Those of you who do not like BYU (c'mon, I know you are out there) will have to indulge me for just a minute. Sorry, but this a school pride post after all. BYU is quite a place. I am hardly one of these who thinks it is the only legitimate place in the world to seek education, but I am so grateful for my experience there so far. Where else can you study English with full acknowledgment that great writers have always written about man's relationship with God and with the ability to fully explore religious literary themes? Where else can you write your final political science essay comparing and contrasting Marxism with Mormonism? Where else can you take Nutrition and have the word of wisdom as part of the curriculum? Where else can you go to school during Jimmermania and experience the total bewilderment of reporters who have flocked to campus because they can't believe there is actually a college in the country that takes it's honor code seriously? And don't even get me started on the students. I can't say enough about how kind they've been to me, how hard most of them work, and how fun and good they are. Going up to campus makes me feel better about the future. School pride. I finally found it. I even bought a BYU shirt the other day. A key chain too. Not something I'd ever done before for myself. I guess I'd better face it. I'm a zoobie. Go cougs.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Mothers of the world...Unite!
A little ode there to Karl Marx who I have been studying ad nauseum for the past few days. Instead of workers uniting in a bloody revolution against the Bourgeoisie however, I propose mothers of the world unite in feeling awesome about themselves.
Returning to "university" as my Canadian professor puts it, at the age of 38 was scary. I'm so pleased to announce that after almost twenty years of full-time mothering, my brain has apparently not shrivelled up and died, and neither has yours. Turns out I'm a pretty good student, and here's the part that cracks me up... Almost all the qualities that make me a good student are skills I've honed in my years as a mom.
1) Read the syllabus. Amazing how many typical college kids skim over page one and then toss the thing. Shockingly, there's information in there about when assignments are due, how grading works, and where the heck the professor's office is located. How was this learned as a mother? Because if you don't read all the papers from your kindergarter's teacher quite thouroughly you end up with your beloved child in tears because they showed up on the 100th day of school without their bag of 100 fruit loops. Lesson learned. Read the papers.
2) Show up. Sounds easy, but boy are there a lot of empty chairs in class some days. Show up. It's not just half the battle, it's more. It is hard to recall information for a test when you weren't there to hear the information in the first place. And motherhood? It's all about showing up. No choice but to show up most of the time. Mom is sick today? That's really nice, but kids still need to eat. Also, someone still needs to make sure the baby doesn't eat the plants or color on the walls. Showing up is second nature to a mom.
3) Resist the temptation to procrastinate. I don't even know how many times kids in my classes will lean over to me and say something like, "Hey, you would know...when is our Interpretive Analysis paper due?" First of all, see item #1. Usually when I'm asked this question it's about an assignment I've already started work on. Turns out starting work early is actually a good idea! How I learned this as a mother? All it takes is one night up until 2am helping your kid with their 8th grade project for you to realize that procrastination really is a terrible idea. Or a kid telling you at 10pm that they need a posterboard for school tomorrow, oh, and it needs to be hot pink. Or trying to make Halloween or Christmas successful without starting a month in advance. You get the idea...
4) Get over your fear of asking for help. I was so scared of this when I was younger, but I have been forced to face it as a mother. Insurance company messed up your bill? No choice but to call. Doctor can't see your kid until tomorrow, but you know they need to be seen today? Gotta call. Your kid is struggling with a math concept and refuses to go see the teacher? So easy to see from my perspective how to fix this. Professors have office hours for a reason. They do not bite. They will almost always give you a better grade on your final paper if you consulted with them of your rough draft. Simply having them know who you are is a huge advantage.
5) Get organized! Stay on top of the work. Not rocket science really, but true nonetheless. Being at least somewhat organized is crucial in a family. Without it kids get left at choir practice, soccer practice gets missed, no one has clean clothes for church, and don't even think about a family vacation without it. My kids laugh at me, but I don't know how else to get everything in the car for a trip without handing everyone a mandatory packing list that reads like: 5 pair of socks, sunglasses, flip-flops, swimsuit, 3 pants, 3 shorts, 4 pajamas, 5 shirts, 5 pair CLEAN underwear etc. Get organized! If you have two big projects due on the same day, you're going to have to organize yourself.
6) And finally... Learn how to sacrifice and sometimes do things you don't want to do. So important in school. Hmmmm... watch a movie tonight or read the Communist Manifesto? Take a nap or translate 20 lines of Beowulf into poetic modern english? C'mon. No one in their right mind really wants to choose the latter, but these are the choices you have to make if you are going to get to the finish line. Now I'm not saying motherhood isn't fun, but I will also not pretend like every mothering moment is a big party. Watch a movie or work on a poster about the life cycle of a whale? Take a nap or play Candyland for the 1,000th time? Read a novel or teach your kid how to load dishes? It's all about the end goal, and self-sacrifice is sometimes the only way to get there.
So don't worry. You are not wasting time. Mothering is the best and most important work in the world. It's considerably more important than Old English literature or modern politcal philosphy. The additional good news is that your brain is NOT turning into a dusty prune while you do it. You have mad skills. Any college would be crazy not to accept you and any employer crazy not to hire you. You are the best, most organized, most capable, most compassionate women I know!
Returning to "university" as my Canadian professor puts it, at the age of 38 was scary. I'm so pleased to announce that after almost twenty years of full-time mothering, my brain has apparently not shrivelled up and died, and neither has yours. Turns out I'm a pretty good student, and here's the part that cracks me up... Almost all the qualities that make me a good student are skills I've honed in my years as a mom.
1) Read the syllabus. Amazing how many typical college kids skim over page one and then toss the thing. Shockingly, there's information in there about when assignments are due, how grading works, and where the heck the professor's office is located. How was this learned as a mother? Because if you don't read all the papers from your kindergarter's teacher quite thouroughly you end up with your beloved child in tears because they showed up on the 100th day of school without their bag of 100 fruit loops. Lesson learned. Read the papers.
2) Show up. Sounds easy, but boy are there a lot of empty chairs in class some days. Show up. It's not just half the battle, it's more. It is hard to recall information for a test when you weren't there to hear the information in the first place. And motherhood? It's all about showing up. No choice but to show up most of the time. Mom is sick today? That's really nice, but kids still need to eat. Also, someone still needs to make sure the baby doesn't eat the plants or color on the walls. Showing up is second nature to a mom.
3) Resist the temptation to procrastinate. I don't even know how many times kids in my classes will lean over to me and say something like, "Hey, you would know...when is our Interpretive Analysis paper due?" First of all, see item #1. Usually when I'm asked this question it's about an assignment I've already started work on. Turns out starting work early is actually a good idea! How I learned this as a mother? All it takes is one night up until 2am helping your kid with their 8th grade project for you to realize that procrastination really is a terrible idea. Or a kid telling you at 10pm that they need a posterboard for school tomorrow, oh, and it needs to be hot pink. Or trying to make Halloween or Christmas successful without starting a month in advance. You get the idea...
4) Get over your fear of asking for help. I was so scared of this when I was younger, but I have been forced to face it as a mother. Insurance company messed up your bill? No choice but to call. Doctor can't see your kid until tomorrow, but you know they need to be seen today? Gotta call. Your kid is struggling with a math concept and refuses to go see the teacher? So easy to see from my perspective how to fix this. Professors have office hours for a reason. They do not bite. They will almost always give you a better grade on your final paper if you consulted with them of your rough draft. Simply having them know who you are is a huge advantage.
5) Get organized! Stay on top of the work. Not rocket science really, but true nonetheless. Being at least somewhat organized is crucial in a family. Without it kids get left at choir practice, soccer practice gets missed, no one has clean clothes for church, and don't even think about a family vacation without it. My kids laugh at me, but I don't know how else to get everything in the car for a trip without handing everyone a mandatory packing list that reads like: 5 pair of socks, sunglasses, flip-flops, swimsuit, 3 pants, 3 shorts, 4 pajamas, 5 shirts, 5 pair CLEAN underwear etc. Get organized! If you have two big projects due on the same day, you're going to have to organize yourself.
6) And finally... Learn how to sacrifice and sometimes do things you don't want to do. So important in school. Hmmmm... watch a movie tonight or read the Communist Manifesto? Take a nap or translate 20 lines of Beowulf into poetic modern english? C'mon. No one in their right mind really wants to choose the latter, but these are the choices you have to make if you are going to get to the finish line. Now I'm not saying motherhood isn't fun, but I will also not pretend like every mothering moment is a big party. Watch a movie or work on a poster about the life cycle of a whale? Take a nap or play Candyland for the 1,000th time? Read a novel or teach your kid how to load dishes? It's all about the end goal, and self-sacrifice is sometimes the only way to get there.
So don't worry. You are not wasting time. Mothering is the best and most important work in the world. It's considerably more important than Old English literature or modern politcal philosphy. The additional good news is that your brain is NOT turning into a dusty prune while you do it. You have mad skills. Any college would be crazy not to accept you and any employer crazy not to hire you. You are the best, most organized, most capable, most compassionate women I know!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
English Angst
I took my Enlgish midterm yesterday. The professor told us to plan on about two hours to take the test. She said some students in the past had taken up to four hours, but that was not typical. So, being something of a worrier and an overplanner but not wanting to go to full on panic mode, I aimed for the middle and gave myself three hours. My class starts at 3pm, so I entered the testing center at 11:45. Yes, you'll notice I even gave myself an extra 15 minutes to grab a snack before class. Yeah, that worked out for me. In reality I found myself fleeing the testing center at 2:56, running across campus in a skirt and flip-flops, just managing to collapse in my desk at 3:01. When the kid next to me asked what was up, (I'm guessing he noticed my tardiness and my panting) I told him I had just taken the midterm and it took longer that I thought. He asked how long it took me and I told him over three hours. Then the professor stood up and began class with a lecture about how we should not be discussing the test with one another until the testing period is over on Friday. Since Tom and I sit in the front row in a small room, I can only assume her comments were directed our way. Really, do you think I offered terribly pertinent information by revealing to the world that I took forever to complete her exam? If I'd come in and announced in a loud voice: "The large essay question at the end asks you to compare and contrast a Renaissance text with a Post-Modern text as they relate to either religious or governmental established power," well, that would have been something worth chastising. Tomorrow in class I'll probably get a lecture about giving away the final essay question to my mother on my blog because clearly mom is going to track down Tom from Enlgish 291 section 2 and tell all.
So I am left worrying that not only does my professor think I have the judgement of a green pea, but that she will be unable to read the last page of my essay. Not only was I rushing like a mad woman by then, but for some inexplicable reason, my hand was cramping so fiercely I actually found myself wondering how fast a cortisone injection could work. Wait. Maybe it's not inexplicable, maybe it was the writing for three solid hours that did it. Could be. I don't mean to whine about my professor by the way. The test itself, although challenging, was very fair. It had things on it that I expected and that were right in line with her study guide, so I appreciated that. You have to love a professor who offers test questions that have no relation to what has been covered in class or the text. Perhaps a slightly shorter exam would be worth considering however. As it was the test went like this:
10 multiple choice questions on English history
(not so bad)
4 short answer questions on poetry conventions
(Describe the various sonnet styles, their rhyme patterns and meter etc., again not so bad, each took about 1/2 page to answer)
12 quotations identifications
(Killer. Each quotation could be from anything we've read so far in the semester. We had to identify the author, the work, the context of the passage and how it was significant to the work as a whole. Each took between 1/2-1 page.)
1 large essay question, at least 4 pages in length
(Killer. The question wasn't really that hard if you've been paying attention, but the fact that my hand was about to fall off by then and my brain was fried can't have helped me out here. I'm just hoping she's not looking for the same level of polish as in our class papers where I stress and rewrite for days on end.)
So there it is. My first big essay test in 19 years. I have to go now. Another awaits me this weekend in philosophy. Once that is over, I'll finally have time to rest. Wait, what am I thinking? No time to rest, what I actually meant was mop the floor. A word to the wise, don't come to my house in bare feet until Monday.
So I am left worrying that not only does my professor think I have the judgement of a green pea, but that she will be unable to read the last page of my essay. Not only was I rushing like a mad woman by then, but for some inexplicable reason, my hand was cramping so fiercely I actually found myself wondering how fast a cortisone injection could work. Wait. Maybe it's not inexplicable, maybe it was the writing for three solid hours that did it. Could be. I don't mean to whine about my professor by the way. The test itself, although challenging, was very fair. It had things on it that I expected and that were right in line with her study guide, so I appreciated that. You have to love a professor who offers test questions that have no relation to what has been covered in class or the text. Perhaps a slightly shorter exam would be worth considering however. As it was the test went like this:
10 multiple choice questions on English history
(not so bad)
4 short answer questions on poetry conventions
(Describe the various sonnet styles, their rhyme patterns and meter etc., again not so bad, each took about 1/2 page to answer)
12 quotations identifications
(Killer. Each quotation could be from anything we've read so far in the semester. We had to identify the author, the work, the context of the passage and how it was significant to the work as a whole. Each took between 1/2-1 page.)
1 large essay question, at least 4 pages in length
(Killer. The question wasn't really that hard if you've been paying attention, but the fact that my hand was about to fall off by then and my brain was fried can't have helped me out here. I'm just hoping she's not looking for the same level of polish as in our class papers where I stress and rewrite for days on end.)
So there it is. My first big essay test in 19 years. I have to go now. Another awaits me this weekend in philosophy. Once that is over, I'll finally have time to rest. Wait, what am I thinking? No time to rest, what I actually meant was mop the floor. A word to the wise, don't come to my house in bare feet until Monday.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wondering...
This is only sort of about school. Just wondering tonight how it is that my biggest stress in life is preparing for a test next week for a class that I am only taking because I want to. I don't need to have this college degree to live. No one's future is ridinig on the result of this test. I just want to learn more and maybe teach someday.
It doesn't seem fair that this is my biggest problem. So many have so much to handle. People I love dearly are required every day to be courageous in ways I can barely understand. Gary says to stop analyzing, knock on wood, and shut up already. (He's more than a little superstitious) Guess all I can do is be grateful, do my best to support my loved ones, be a good wife and mom, and become a great teacher someday. If God gives you opportunity, at the end of the day you'd better help someone...
jenn
It doesn't seem fair that this is my biggest problem. So many have so much to handle. People I love dearly are required every day to be courageous in ways I can barely understand. Gary says to stop analyzing, knock on wood, and shut up already. (He's more than a little superstitious) Guess all I can do is be grateful, do my best to support my loved ones, be a good wife and mom, and become a great teacher someday. If God gives you opportunity, at the end of the day you'd better help someone...
jenn
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Quite an Experience
Going back to school at the age of 38 is quite an experience. I've been thinking for a while I'd like to write down some of the funny, painful, stressful things that have happened to me since I went back to college. I have stories about parking, pep rallies, TA's, finals, cell phones, gender relationships, family struggles etc. The plan is to use this blog as a journal about being in school. I'm doing it as a blog mostly to motivate me, but also because there might be someone (perhaps just my mom) interested in reading it.
So if you read, do so at your own risk and realize that I will probably rant, rave, think my own jokes are funny, and generally enjoy the sound of my own voice. But a blog is a nice safe place to do that, because you are al free to ignore me if you wish:)
So if you read, do so at your own risk and realize that I will probably rant, rave, think my own jokes are funny, and generally enjoy the sound of my own voice. But a blog is a nice safe place to do that, because you are al free to ignore me if you wish:)
Sonnets
We have been studying sonnets in English 291. I seriously like them. Shakespeare is a genius (I know, hardly a revelation) as are many others: Wyatt, Sydney, Surrey, Spenser, Sidney. Recently we were given the assignment to write a sonnet. So in the spirit of show and tell, I'm sharing.
First is the sonnet I composed for my class assignment. If you could all not let my kids know I wrote about some parental frustrations, that would be great:)
Then there is a totally silly sonnet about our cat. It came about because while I was still considering what my subject matter should be for the sonnet assignment,Gary
And finally, the dumbest of the sonnets. We each had to present a Shakespearean sonnet to the class. Mine was number 36. The professor challenged us to do something creative in our presentation, so I wrote a sonnet about Shakespeare's sonnet 36. Other than being 14 lines long and following the proper rhyme pattern, there is nothing about its subject like that of a real sonnet, but oh well!
The Waiting Game
Fruit of my loins I cannot deem to train,
The hamper settles not within her breast.
Her closet parts to shower fiercest rain,
On beds and lamps its bowels come to rest.
Of grace and gentle nature does she brim,
All happy songs, serene until I dare
Suggest that socks should not the desk to trim,
Then quickly dodge as darts hiss through the air.
Yet still when kneeling words I speak at night,
Soft to my mind and heart she wends her way.
For mess, affront, and wounded heart aside,
A timid hope and patience doth reside.
I plead for youth that time will guide its way
Petition tortured tongue in place of blight.
Feline Discovery
Tonight my routine dinner was disturbed
The crunchy, tuna-fishy grain did not
Clink ‘round my bowl, I found I was perturbed
As meow mix from my master have I sought
But lo, aroma tickles at my nose
Desire takes me, oh what heav'nly scent!
For salmon scraps to feline smell as rose
What bliss and glory give, my mind is bent
Upon a taste, my belly asks for more
A kingly feast, now lick the last bits clean
A taste of heav’n, and I, a seafood whore
But old, dry food will once again be seen
And I my nose shall turn, while holding wish
For tuna-fishy’s not the same as fish!
Sonnet 36
Song 36, we'll analyze by line
Shakespearean rhyme, iambic meter true
Some words repeat, as ‘honoured’ and ‘mine'
The second line to words of Paul allude
Some antonyms are used like ‘spite,’ ‘delight’
And ‘one’ paired with, ‘alone’ are synonym
The characters of love, belov’d are right
So now review the problem of the hymn
Find two in love who now as one can’t be
These two must part by scandal yet unnamed
One lover pleads, "do not acknowledge me"
For it would never do to bring you shame
The final couplet serves to say once more
He needs her reputation be secure
First is the sonnet I composed for my class assignment. If you could all not let my kids know I wrote about some parental frustrations, that would be great:)
Then there is a totally silly sonnet about our cat. It came about because while I was still considering what my subject matter should be for the sonnet assignment,
And finally, the dumbest of the sonnets. We each had to present a Shakespearean sonnet to the class. Mine was number 36. The professor challenged us to do something creative in our presentation, so I wrote a sonnet about Shakespeare's sonnet 36. Other than being 14 lines long and following the proper rhyme pattern, there is nothing about its subject like that of a real sonnet, but oh well!
The Waiting Game
Fruit of my loins I cannot deem to train,
The hamper settles not within her breast.
Her closet parts to shower fiercest rain,
On beds and lamps its bowels come to rest.
Of grace and gentle nature does she brim,
All happy songs, serene until I dare
Suggest that socks should not the desk to trim,
Then quickly dodge as darts hiss through the air.
Yet still when kneeling words I speak at night,
Soft to my mind and heart she wends her way.
For mess, affront, and wounded heart aside,
A timid hope and patience doth reside.
I plead for youth that time will guide its way
Petition tortured tongue in place of blight.
Feline Discovery
Tonight my routine dinner was disturbed
The crunchy, tuna-fishy grain did not
Clink ‘round my bowl, I found I was perturbed
As meow mix from my master have I sought
But lo, aroma tickles at my nose
Desire takes me, oh what heav'nly scent!
For salmon scraps to feline smell as rose
What bliss and glory give, my mind is bent
Upon a taste, my belly asks for more
A kingly feast, now lick the last bits clean
A taste of heav’n, and I, a seafood whore
But old, dry food will once again be seen
And I my nose shall turn, while holding wish
For tuna-fishy’s not the same as fish!
Sonnet 36
Song 36, we'll analyze by line
Shakespearean rhyme, iambic meter true
Some words repeat, as ‘honoured’ and ‘mine'
The second line to words of Paul allude
Some antonyms are used like ‘spite,’ ‘delight’
And ‘one’ paired with, ‘alone’ are synonym
The characters of love, belov’d are right
So now review the problem of the hymn
Find two in love who now as one can’t be
These two must part by scandal yet unnamed
One lover pleads, "do not acknowledge me"
For it would never do to bring you shame
The final couplet serves to say once more
He needs her reputation be secure
Guilt
Today's back to school topic is guilt. Although I do have some funny anecdotes about school, today's entry will not be one of them. Guilt is nothing new, I am a Mormon mom after all, so guilt and I have met once or twice in the past. Mid-terms are next week, and I'm feeling the heat. Still, I try had to put the kids first. My husband was at a funeral in AZ last weekend so I spent lots of time with my kiddos then even though it meant neglecting my studies. I took them to breakfast Saturday morning and that night we watched a movie and did facials. Sunday we went to church, went to choir practice, went to another choir practice, and I played a game with the kids. Monday everyone was home from school (including myself and the hubby) so we went to lunch and bowling.
By the time Tuesday rolled around, I was feeling quite behind in the old studies. So I decided it was time to buckle down, get serious, hit the books. Then today my 15 year old informed me I'm neglecting my motherly duties by going to school. Zing. Let me explain a little. He says he didn't mind so much last semester when all my classes were squarely in the daytime. This semester I have afternoon classes. Three times a week I don't get home until about 5:30. I didn't want to take a late class, but I ran into scheduling difficulty that is boring, but legitimate. So despite the fact that the hubby has been home by 3:30 both days this week that I've been late (and often is), I'm shirking my duties. Add to that increased study time this week, and I'm in the doghouse. Four months of home late a few times a week and all my hard work for the last 18 years is null and void.
Thing is, I don't have it in me to decide he's just being a pain in the butt teenager. No, I'm a mom. I love my kids. The worst thing lets see... ever, would be for them to think they are not number one on my list.
So, not a lot of good options here folks. Guilty about not studying if I go downstairs and watch American Idol with my kids. Guilty about not being with my kids if I stay here and study. Awesome.
Love being back in school. Don't love this.
By the time Tuesday rolled around, I was feeling quite behind in the old studies. So I decided it was time to buckle down, get serious, hit the books. Then today my 15 year old informed me I'm neglecting my motherly duties by going to school. Zing. Let me explain a little. He says he didn't mind so much last semester when all my classes were squarely in the daytime. This semester I have afternoon classes. Three times a week I don't get home until about 5:30. I didn't want to take a late class, but I ran into scheduling difficulty that is boring, but legitimate. So despite the fact that the hubby has been home by 3:30 both days this week that I've been late (and often is), I'm shirking my duties. Add to that increased study time this week, and I'm in the doghouse. Four months of home late a few times a week and all my hard work for the last 18 years is null and void.
Thing is, I don't have it in me to decide he's just being a pain in the butt teenager. No, I'm a mom. I love my kids. The worst thing lets see... ever, would be for them to think they are not number one on my list.
So, not a lot of good options here folks. Guilty about not studying if I go downstairs and watch American Idol with my kids. Guilty about not being with my kids if I stay here and study. Awesome.
Love being back in school. Don't love this.
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